Whine Whine Whine Whine Devil

Even now I have difficulty accepting the new relationships of ex-girlfriends. This certainly should not be an issue; I have had so many lovers that have left me so many times…

But this is one more price for me to pay; we devils owe the world. And this is the price of getting close to women, of giving them a piece of my soul, of showing them more than the beguiling surface of the multitudes I contain.

Sherrie… I dated her three separate times. And she’s going to be the first girl I know to give up on dreams of the future, get knocked up, and have kids. She’s a year younger than me, and skipped out on college; she now lives with her boyfriend, and has absolutely no direction in her life. So very, very different from the woman I once knew, that girl from high school who loved all things artistic, who was intelligent and(despite her indecisiveness) quite driven.

She has no direction, so she will simply let life happen to her; and she will be a stay at home mom. There is something wrong with this, but there is little I can do; I am very much out of her life, and have been for quite some time. She is just a haunting face from a distant past now.

Johanna has taken up with a good enough guy, I suppose; I was always sort of ambivalent in my feelings towards him, but I’ve known him longer than I’ve known most people. He is one of my elder sibling’s friends, and I met him in eighth grade, a great deal of time before I met Jojo, and certainly a long time before we became intimate.

It is a different situation with her than with Sherrie, however; I have power over her. This has happened in nearly half of my relationships; the girl never truly becomes free, and I can bend her to my will.
This is a very bad thing.

I try to be a nice man, and having the ability to do this is not conductive in the least to it. I do not even remember the first time I discovered this, or the first time I used it, but it is a bad, bad thing, and the primary reason I’ve been pushing her away from me. She has a fairly nice boy, and a new relationship. I have reverted to a former state; dark, brooding, alone, vaguely poetic in most thoughts, basically my entire state of mind for middle school and half of high school.

Maggie… I found out she avoided me for nearly a year and a half because she knew I could do that to her, and was afraid I’d clingy. Lilliana spotted it early and left before she got too attached. Sharon became enraptured on our first date, and has never been truly free since. Rose was too innocent to ever speak with a man like me, much less date one; she is more bound to me than she should ever know. Courtney was too nice for such a thing, and fell into the living trap regardless. Judy fell for me from one thousand miles away, and obsessed over me almost immediately.

I am a bad, bad man, and there is nothing I can do to change that. Simply seclude myself, and search for a woman with strong willpower and undeniable passion.

I can dream, eh? Even devils are given that right.