One mask for another

I feel I can be more open here, in this space, simply because of the tremendous dearth of readers. And so I shall.

I had a talk with my latest ex today; she had a few confessions to make, and I subsequently felt need to partake of my roomate's liquor stock.

She made out with my best friend the day after we broke up; this alone is not unusual, as he has often had dealings with my ex's, as he is very similar to me, yet much more light-hearted and charismatic. We have always been two sides to one coin, the same and opposite. He the fire an I the rain; he the blazing day, I the azure night. I digress; back to the tale.

Directly after her brief dealings with my comrade, she slept with another man. I was her first, both in terms of deflowering and in terms of a serious boyfriend, and this was very much an act of passion... and she deeply regretted it afterwards.

I cannot trust her now.

Eventually I will once more, certainly. This is something I cannot help. My seventh curse, Aer Lio, is the inabillity to hold a grudge; no matter what has befallen me, I forgive all. A trait to be admired in others, yet scorned in one's self.



I cannot confide in my friends. This is a horrible thing, as every man needs an ear to bend time upon time. Yet those from my home are too much a part of my troubles, while those I have made here are too distant yet from me; we are not close.

Without a single person to confide in, I write my story here, dull though it be.




Thou shalt know one's sin? One sin alone doth fail mine art; my deeds are legion, my devils without limit.



Perhaps I shall recount my sins another time...

A Fragment

The darkness echoes the light, as the day fights off the night
Ten-thousand brightly burning dots in the endless well of sky
Neither to live nor die, only to burn...

For both must exist, black and white,
Day and night, dark and bright,
As they are only given meaning
In their duality.

Ca-Elain

Olde father, thine son doth end
One's humble servitude;
Thy fate be sealed in this hour
Betrayal by blood in truth.

Thy harsh attention doth
Wound one's pride
Thy stinging words
Hath ended me
Thy burning speech
Hath driven me
To rend thy heart
And break thy will.



I'm rambling, really. Pay me no mind <3

Rhyming poetry? Blasphemous.

Two spirits collide in silence, half a world apart;
A clever woman of worldly taste,
A man of darkness, waste,
And a similarity in their souls.

Two drops of water in all the ocean;
A woman wakeful in the night,
A man who dreams in bright daylight
And the words that never stop.

The winds that meet in passing time;
She begins to rise as he so falls,
Across the distance a voice so calls,
And they speak, if only for one breath

Whine Whine Whine Whine Devil

Even now I have difficulty accepting the new relationships of ex-girlfriends. This certainly should not be an issue; I have had so many lovers that have left me so many times…

But this is one more price for me to pay; we devils owe the world. And this is the price of getting close to women, of giving them a piece of my soul, of showing them more than the beguiling surface of the multitudes I contain.

Sherrie… I dated her three separate times. And she’s going to be the first girl I know to give up on dreams of the future, get knocked up, and have kids. She’s a year younger than me, and skipped out on college; she now lives with her boyfriend, and has absolutely no direction in her life. So very, very different from the woman I once knew, that girl from high school who loved all things artistic, who was intelligent and(despite her indecisiveness) quite driven.

She has no direction, so she will simply let life happen to her; and she will be a stay at home mom. There is something wrong with this, but there is little I can do; I am very much out of her life, and have been for quite some time. She is just a haunting face from a distant past now.

Johanna has taken up with a good enough guy, I suppose; I was always sort of ambivalent in my feelings towards him, but I’ve known him longer than I’ve known most people. He is one of my elder sibling’s friends, and I met him in eighth grade, a great deal of time before I met Jojo, and certainly a long time before we became intimate.

It is a different situation with her than with Sherrie, however; I have power over her. This has happened in nearly half of my relationships; the girl never truly becomes free, and I can bend her to my will.
This is a very bad thing.

I try to be a nice man, and having the ability to do this is not conductive in the least to it. I do not even remember the first time I discovered this, or the first time I used it, but it is a bad, bad thing, and the primary reason I’ve been pushing her away from me. She has a fairly nice boy, and a new relationship. I have reverted to a former state; dark, brooding, alone, vaguely poetic in most thoughts, basically my entire state of mind for middle school and half of high school.

Maggie… I found out she avoided me for nearly a year and a half because she knew I could do that to her, and was afraid I’d clingy. Lilliana spotted it early and left before she got too attached. Sharon became enraptured on our first date, and has never been truly free since. Rose was too innocent to ever speak with a man like me, much less date one; she is more bound to me than she should ever know. Courtney was too nice for such a thing, and fell into the living trap regardless. Judy fell for me from one thousand miles away, and obsessed over me almost immediately.

I am a bad, bad man, and there is nothing I can do to change that. Simply seclude myself, and search for a woman with strong willpower and undeniable passion.

I can dream, eh? Even devils are given that right.